Stairs vs. Elevators…

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Columbia Barnard chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.

POV: It’s 10:03 AM on Wednesday, and you have just awoken in a sweat in your unairconditioned Reid double dorm room. You hurriedly throw on a hoodie and grab your bag on the way out. Thankfully your 10:10 AM class is screen-free, so all you need is a notebook and pencil… and to show up on time. 

At 10:05 AM, you wait in front of the Sulzberger floor-seven elevators with other soon-to-be-late Barnard baddies. You watch as one brave soul opens the door marked “stairs.” When the elevator finally arrives at 10:07 AM, you can’t help but wonder, would the stairs be faster? 

Let’s test this theory. 

From Milbank to Barnard Hall, our lovely campus has some lovely old buildings that each come equipped with their own set(s) of lovely old stairs and lovely old elevators. Generations of students have left their marks (literally) in the stairwells we call climbmaster substitutes. Despite this historic appeal, during Barnumbia passing periods, students flock to queue for the chance at a quick and convenient elevator ride, often waiting many precious minutes before ultimately hiking up the stairs. The lucky few who wait it out stroll into class with mere seconds to spare. But were those elevator rides truly worth the wait? Are they really more convenient? 

These questions have been asked by thousands of students before you, and they will continue to be asked by future Barnard classes. Here is my helpful guide to efficiently moving up and down on campus; the answers, of course, depend from building to building. Some answers may shock you 😱! 

To start with the obvious, if you are physically unable to take the stairs or have some other kind of impairment that causes you pain, discomfort or just overall difficulty climbing up a few flights, then your answer is: wait for the elevator. Seriously, being on time for class is not worth the pain it may cause. Even the scary PE department gives a four minute grace period for tardiness. 

If you do have a physical education class you need to get to and are able to take the stairs, you’re in luck! Most PE classes are located in the LeFrak center area of Barnard Hall, which hosts my favorite set of stairs on campus. If you are trying to get to any LeFrak studio or LL1/LL2 of Barnard Hall, please take the stairs. With the nearest elevator being in the front half of the building, Barnard’s brand-new, bold, beautiful, perfectly flat wooden staircases are your best bet. Plus, they boast a beautiful view of Claremont Ave, showering the steps with natural light. Barnard Hall’s other non-elevator options are certainly not as nice. 

If you, dear reader, enter Barnard Hall coming straight from the quad or futter field, you’ve seen the dreaded elevator line. Whether it’s from LL1 or LL2, during a passing period or at odd hours of the day, that elevator is always slow. Legs cramps beware, unless you have impeccably-lucky timing, I do recommend taking the stairs. 

Moving right along, the Milstein stairs are short, well lit, and conveniently placed in the middle of Milstein Center. The downside? How narrow the stairwell is. 99% of the time you will be fine, but it’s not ideal for the crowding that can occur during passing periods. If the stairs do get crowded though, the Milstein elevators off to the side are a little more underused when compared to those of Barnard Hall. If you’re gunning for an elevator ride on campus, Milstein is the way to go–unless someone’s going all the way up that 11-story tower for a professor’s office hours…

Diana is another building on campus with an appealing step-less lift upstairs. As the center has relatively few above ground floors, and two larger, newer elevators, stairs just seem like the wrong way to go. And with the way Diana’s stairs are hidden, I would say yes, go for the Diana elevator, give it the good old college try!

Finally, the last main building on Barnard’s campus: Milbank. The Milbank elevators were the inspiration for this article; they are seriously SLOW. If you’re entering Milbank from the main campus, take the stairs. Sorry, those lines are not worth your time… unless you are coming from the Milbank basement. That’s right, entering Milbank through the LL doors on 117th can actually give you a time advantage for the elevators, if and only if you are coming directly from the Teacher’s College. Going through Milbank’s side entrance under any other circumstances, just for the sake of catching the elevator, will waste any time you could have saved. Try not to get too hung up about it—there are several benefits one can gain from choosing to hike up a staircase or two. 

In conclusion, thick thighs save lives. Just take the stairs.