Growing Apart from High School Friends: It’s Normal (and No One Talks About It)

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Rowan chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.

One of the biggest pills for me to swallow was the realization that all of the people who I was friends with in high school wouldn’t all be lifelong friends. I knew friendships could come and go, but I never imagined that the girls I spent all of high school—and even part of middle school—with wouldn’t be the ones in my future bridal party. When I was a freshman, it felt like I lost all of my friends from back home. But now, as a sophomore, I can look back and appreciate how many amazing friends I’ve gained, and I rarely dwell on the ones I lost. The truth is, as disappointing as it can be, people grow apart. People change. People naturally gravitate toward those they truly connect with, and that girl you sat next to in freshman year math class might not actually share much with you on a deeper level. Looking back, I realize that many of my so-called “friends” probably saw me as a friend of convenience or proximity—and that’s okay. Now in college, I’ve built so many genuine, meaningful friendships, and I’m incredibly grateful for them. Something wise that I learned from my mom is that outgrowing people is a sign of personal growth. You are not the same person as you were at the age of 14 and you aren’t supposed to be! You may have not realized it but your priorities, beliefs, values, interests, and even the way you think aren’t the same as when you were younger. When you start to truly know yourself, you naturally seek out people who align with the person you’re becoming, not just the person you used to be. I’m sure many of you have heard the quote, “Some people are in your life for a season, some for a lifetime.” When I was younger, I didn’t fully understand what that meant. I assumed that the people who were important to me at one point would always hold the same place in my life but as I’ve grown, I’ve realized how true that quote really is. Some friendships are meant to support you through a specific chapter: maybe they helped you survive high school, gave you confidence, or taught you a lesson about yourself. Those people mattered, even if they aren’t still by your side today. So although friendship breakups can hurt, just know that they are a sign of growth and maturity and you really will find your people. College isn’t just an opportunity to learn—it’s a chance to learn who you have become and losing some friends along the way, all while gaining others is unfortunately sometimes a side effect. In the end, letting go of the wrong people is what makes space for the right ones, and that’s how you build the kind of friendships that feel less like chapters and more like home.