Everything Doesn’t Happen for a Reason: And That’s Okay

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Cal State Chico chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.

We’ve all heard it before, “Everything happens for a reason.” It’s one of those go-to phrases people pull out for themselves or others when life feels bad. For example, when you fail a class you worked hard for, when someone you love passes away, heartbreak, or when plans you were counting on completely fall apart. And usually, the person saying it means well. They want to remind you that things will work out eventually, that there’s some purpose higher than yourself in what you’re going through.

But here’s the thing, not everything actually does happen for a reason. Sometimes, bad things just… happen. Life is unpredictable and messy, and trying to force meaning into every single twist and turn can leave us more frustrated and feeling out of control than comforted.

I think we say “everything happens for a reason” because it makes us feel safer. It gives us a sense of control when things feel completely out of control. If we can believe there’s a reason behind the chaos, then maybe we can trick ourselves into thinking it wasn’t all for nothing. But let’s be real: sometimes there isn’t a reason. Sometimes people hurt us, opportunities fall through, or life doesn’t go according to plan, and no explanation is going to make it feel fair.

And honestly, that’s okay. Because even if we can’t control what happens, we can control how we respond.

That’s the part people often forget, we’re not powerless. We can’t decide whether someone leaves us, or whether the internship we wanted goes to someone else, or whether life throws us a curveball we never saw coming. But we can decide how we’ll react. We get to choose whether we mope on the unfairness of it all, or whether we take a breath, process it, and figure out what comes next.

It’s less about finding a “reason” and more about finding a perspective. The way we choose to see the world shapes the world we live in. If we constantly look for reasons behind every setback then we might end up stuck in a cycle of trying to rationalize pain. But if we focus on our ability to react and then adapt, we suddenly become the ones back in control of our life.

Tessa Pesicka / Her Campus

Think about this, instead of saying “everything happens for a reason,” what if we started saying, “I can’t control everything that happens, but I can control what I do next.” It doesn’t try to explain away your hurt or sugarcoat life’s unfairness. But it does remind you that you’re capable of handling it.

Because life isn’t always going to go according to plan. People will disappoint you. Classes will be harder than you expected. Relationships will end. But every single time, you’ll still have the chance to decide how you’ll move forward. And sometimes, the strength you gain in choosing your next step ends up being more valuable than any “reason” the universe could’ve given you.