Can you get the ick if you truly love someone? 

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at DCU chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.

Does a man showing his plumber’s crack to the world make you grimace? I’d assume the answer is yes. What if that man was your loving and oh so caring boyfriend of two years?  Is love blind to clumsy falls, messy eaters and skinny jeans? Is it possible to get the ick if we truly love someone, whether that be romantic or platonic? I wonder if we have conditioned ourselves to be disgusted at the slightest fault in a loved one. But is that even a bad thing?  

Let’s start off by prefacing that “the ick” is a phrase coined by teenagers on TikTok referring to a gut feeling of cringe, brought about by the actions of another person. It can easily turn you off that person altogether. Icks are not to be confused with red flags. I believe it to be obvious that you can love someone who has red flags. It doesn’t mean you should, though. I’ve had plenty of talks like this with my girls. However, “the ick” is a bit vague; it’s not something that would cause you to break up with a partner or to sever the connection that you have with someone. It’s more of a fleeting feeling, but when you have it, it’s hard to shake off. 

A minority of people swear that their partner has never and will never give them the ick. Such people are in a state known as “denial”. Ick is inevitable. Even my friends, who I would take a bullet for, sometimes do questionable things. However, it is a fact that some people are more prone to the feeling of getting the ick than others, a simple action like running after a ping pong ball will do it for them.  

For me, I tend to get the ick from conversation. The slightest mention of something pick-me (“I’m soooo ugly… right?”) and I’m out. However, is that me blurring the line between ick and red flag? You tell me. There have been times where I do believe that I have invented icks or magnified them to protect myself. It’s hard to get attached to someone if you feel embarrassed of their actions. For many, this is a coping mechanism to deal with the fear of true intimacy. 

My constant referring to “brain-rot” and movie cliches has given plenty of people a serious case of ick, and that’s something I’m okay with. Your true friends are the ones that you don’t have to perform for, and anyways, I would rather be cringe than fake.  

This leads me to wonder if loving someone despite the inevitable ick is how we know it to be love. There will always be habits, quirks and mistakes that you may find unattractive or silly but choosing to stay to see the authentic side of someone is love. Furthermore, feeling safe enough to be completely yourself is a beautifully vulnerable thing. I am grateful for the relationships I have where I can embrace inevitable icks and recognise that to love someone is to love all of them. Even if they have a bad tattoo or post songs on Instagram, notes!